just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
