Pants 0. Shit 1.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
