the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
