Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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