I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
