Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize