True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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