Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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