His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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