NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
