the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
