I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
