i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
