CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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