I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
