You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
