Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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