Yo dont text me then not text me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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