They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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