I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
