Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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