eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
