walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
