return my video game
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
