I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
