week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
