my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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