Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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