my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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