he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
