Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
