i already hear my dad disowning me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
