Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
