I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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