too bad you live with your parents still
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
