I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
