For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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