I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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