Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize