why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
