Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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