I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
