i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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