never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
