Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize