i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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