...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
