Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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