I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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