Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
