On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
