I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
