Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
my liver is dry heaving
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
