You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
