well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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