Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize