Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
