If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
