yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
