her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
