All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
