I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
