I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
where am i from again
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
