What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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