I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize