you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
