i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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