i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize