He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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