and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sober January is a disaster.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
