Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
