am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
