If i come over, it means nothing
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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