The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
