Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
