ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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