A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
