420 ftw
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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