We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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