I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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