How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
