A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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