shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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