Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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