Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
