We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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