Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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