Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
