a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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