awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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