If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
