My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
