Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
