apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm too high and old for this...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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