She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize