Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize