Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
