I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How's work?
Spinning.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
