We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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