Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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