Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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