I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
