you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
